The concept is simple: Here’s a doodle. Now write a poem to accompany it!
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Yay Words! 
new to town
drifting from the depot
with clouds in her pocket
the parallel lines
of the railroad lines…
missing you
I wonder if
anybody who lives here
has ever seen
Boondocks Saints II
All Saints Day
distant thunder
the low rumble
of an approaching train
[…] the I Doodle, You ‘Ku challenge, on Aubrie Cox’s Yay […]
those days when the rails
rumbled with the sweet smell of…
burnt sugar canes loads
signpost
everything
in the way
😉
Yes!
hearing the trains in town . . .
Lake Michigan icebergs
Just out that window
A path to the big wide world
The next train passes.
I hear it rolling
’round the bend —
whispering wind moon
(and I can’t get this out of my head…)
this endless train
across my teenage years
tracks
**
http://www.rickdaddario.com/
Rick Daddario
Kailua, Hawaii
USA
tracks
across my teenage years
this endless train
(just wondering on my keyboard)
this version takes me to a different place than the first. a sadder place, with a drug connotation to it (tracks). the first seems more wistful. like them both. 🙂
funny how the order changes things in my mind.
mahalo Angie, you are so right—tracks and endless train in the second one lead more easily to that drug connection for me too. . . . maybe less so in the first. interesting.
I read recently the concept that with a good ku the meaning should remain the same when the first and third lines are exchanged. I’ve been playing with that and find I like what happens with the words when the ku works that way. until reading that, I used to see sometimes which way I preferred with the shift in meaning when those lines were switched. now I more often try to get the wording to work out so the meaning holds with that switching.
fun. aloha
my dream the night train screeching to a halt
as we pass
I wonder about their lives…
nothing but stars
the road is long
and the journey still far …
white butterfly
[…] with “I Doodle You ‘Ku 2013 – 05” by Aubrie Cox at Yay […]
departing train
mascara streaking
down his cheeks
not knowing
when my heart
will stop hurting
the sound of the train
plays over in my head
correction:
last line should be “keeps playing in my head”
perhaps, this is a better one:
not knowing
if my heart will ever
stop hurting . . .
the train passes me by
one more time
Only passing through…
Some places better
left behind.
the railway track disappearing into the train’s whistle
or,
the railway track the length of the train’s whistle
taking
a train of no return-
a soldier
midnight train shaking my tail-feathers one more day
😀
Thanks, Angie!